Tuesday, 23 April 2013

A Letter of Forgiveness: From an Abused Wife to a Husband

Dear Husband,

I understand that you must be hating me as much as I have hated you. I understand that facing my prejudice and discouragement at times have indeed taken a toll on you. I realize that probably our marriage was what it was because of our vastly different personalities.

Yet as we move on, I think you were not as mature as you should have been in handling this relationship. I understand you had demons of your own that you needed help for. Being a neglected child is not the best foundation for anyone; especially when your twin is the quintessential bratty center of attraction. This probably is the reason why you were always so unreasonable, rude, adamant and sought attention.

But I forgive you.

As a husband, you could have shown more concern when I was injured, shown more respect when your family treated me with utter disdain, showered love and care when I was low but you chose not to. I forgive you for that. I always believed being a husband and wife meant sharing our joys and sorrows and being there for each other but while you enjoyed my happy times and all that I could offer, you left me when I was injured without even saying a word or without even leaving back anything that was mine, yours or ours. You disappeared into thin air. Forgiving you for this has not been easy but I have finally found it in me to forgive you. I forgive you. For all the pain and misery that you brought onto me and my family when you say you do not want me but want all my possessions, I have for long harbored resentment against you. Today, I forgive you.

I forgive you.

I know you have had a difficult life so far and this marriage was a part of your yearning to turn your life back on track. I know it has been difficult. Today as we both look to move ahead and make fresh beginnings, I know that the path to recovery and healing is long and difficult, but I forgive you and wish from the bottom of my heart that this is that end of the tunnel where you see light. I wish most sincerely that you have a long, happy and prosperous life ahead, a life that makes up for all the sorrows you have had.

Good Luck my husband. With this marriage, you are a very significant part of me and shall always remain in my prayers.

Warm Regards,

Sunday, 21 April 2013

Law v/s Culture: Does law stand a chance against peer pressure from culture?

Peer pressure is not a word that is commonly used in a pleasant context, yet it has the power to make everyone bow to it at some point. Case in point millions of people get into drugs owing to peer pressure.

As a woman undergoing a divorce in modern day India, I feel the law stands no chance against peer pressure from the society. Of late I have realized that the need to conform to society is as abusive as the marriage itself. The stigma of a divorce, the viewpoint with which the society views you post divorce makes a person trapped in a marriage.

A lot has been said and read about how stringent our laws are and how law has ensured that women are empowered. There are sections of people who feel that the laws in India are lop-sided and anti-men, yet the crime rates against women show no signs of abating. Logically this does not make sense as laws are meant to control crime. A closer look will tell us the reason behind these crimes are not insufficient rules but it is the popular culture in the society that have made it so insufficient. I am not saying the whole Indian culture is wrong, but it has been lenient enough that the Indian society at large has misused it.

Take the example of hundreds and thousands of brides who are burnt everyday for the greed of money. Although there might be some respite with law punishing the offenders, there is no shame or stigma that these criminals suffer. These are people who have brutally murdered an innocent helpless bride within the four walls of her home. Can anyone imagine the trauma of the girl who is victimized not by outsiders but by her own family. If a girl cannot feel safe at her own house then no law can help her. On the contrary if she does come out in the open and seek the help of the law, she is ostracized by the society. In case she seeks to come out of this bondage there is a stigma that she and her family have to suffer. How fair is this system that punishes the victim but turns a blind eye towards the perpetrator of the crime.

The answer to all these questions lie in how we a society view crime against women and women in general. Women here are treated like objects of use. The attitude is if you want someone to cook and clean for you, get married. The wife becomes a maid for a lifetime. Sons are assets and daughters expenses. What the society fails to understand is that they themselves have created these stereotypes for their comfort and they do not have to conform to it under all circumstances. Society can evolve as people and the world itself has evolved. Of what use is this culture that promotes crime against women and renders them helpless and victimized. No law in the world can help a woman where crime against women is accepted in the name of "honor".

Things might change for the better in coming times, but for now women will have to bear the imbalance that this culture creates. After all "JUSTICE DELAYED IS JUSTICE DENIED". And law can do nothing but watch on.