Today was supposed to be an all important day in my life. The judgement day. I vividly remember the day I was married, I was a bag of mixed emotions - happy, excited, worried, relieved, jubilant. Today is another such day but while that was a happy mix, today is a not so happy mix. I am happy but I am worried too.. There is a sense of finality but its nothing that I wanted. May be somewhere deep down I was waiting for a miracle, a magic wand that would set everything right. The if only's haunt me. I have been fighting the battle for freedom, the battle for hope for a very very long time now on a directionless path and now when the direction is crystal clear I find myself longing for the other direction. I am tired, I am exhausted and today it almost seems like a curse that I am in this position. I do not know if the pieces of my life are falling apart or they are falling in place, but falling they are.